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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29646891">i feel your touch when i wake up, and when i go to sleep.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/beenzino/pseuds/beenzino'>beenzino</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>i just wanna see you in my bed [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Fluff and Smut, Body Worship, Bottom Na Jaemin, Developing Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Mentioned Nakamoto Yuta, Mirror Sex, NCT 2020, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Na Jaemin-centric, OT23 (NCT), Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Secret Relationship, Semi-Public Sex, Spit As Lube, Top Suh Youngho | Johnny, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Voyeurism, idolverse, im sorry, jaemin has daddy issues, smut tags incoming</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:00:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29646891</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/beenzino/pseuds/beenzino</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>he’s perfect. johnny tells him he’s perfect, he’s the prettiest, the best. he’s so good for him, he’s beautiful and gorgeous, made to be praised. deserved to be adorned. jaemin believes it all. </p><p>or,</p><p>johnny and jaemin fool around; jaemin falls in love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Na Jaemin/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>i just wanna see you in my bed [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i feel your touch when i wake up, and when i go to sleep.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>jaemin stares at his reflection in the mirror as he watches his own movements. the music blares, he counts the steps in his head. it's loud, his heartbeat is louder. </p><p>the music cuts and jaemin turns around to see their choreographer raising her hand towards them. "take a five." she says, then goes to the corner near the other managers. jaemin huffs, taking the ends of his tshirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead and he looks up, catching Donghyuck's gaze through the mirror.</p><p>only a few seconds pass till jaemin realizes why donghyuck is looking at him the way he is. Donghyuck looks like he was just electrocuted, and jaemin immediately drops his shirt and turns around. luckily, no one else is paying attention to them when donghyuck stomps over and grabs his arm, pulling him into the hallway. </p><p>"i saw that." is the first thing donghyuck blurts when the dance practice room door closes. </p><p>he stares at donghyuck for a few seconds. "saw what?"</p><p>"don't play stupid, jaemin. lift your shirt." Donghyuck moves to grab the hem again but jaemin steps back, moving away from the older. </p><p>"it's nothing." he tries, but donghyuck is relentless and nosey.</p><p>"show me." </p><p>"i said it's nothing." </p><p>"well it's obviously fucking something if you won't show me. you know how much trouble you can get it in jaemin? what if they see them-"</p><p>"they won't." jaemin interrupts. Donghyuck huffs, grabbing jaemin again, and before he can be stopped, lifts jaemins shirt up to stare at his torso.</p><p>"jesus Christ." Donghyuck gapes, "it looks like someone attacked you." </p><p>jaemin looks down at his own body. his stomach covered in blotchy, purple and red bruises. theyre mouth shaped and ache when donghyuck reaches to touch one. </p><p>"who is it." donghyuck says, flinching when jaemin slaps his hand away and pulls his shirt down. </p><p>"no one." jaemin looks away. </p><p>"fuck, jaemin. you're digging yourself a grave, you know that? theyre gonna kill you."</p><p>"no they won't because no one will find out. and you won't tell anyone because ill kill you." jaemin steps forward to him. "got that donghyuck? you need to mind your own business for a change." he glared at the boy before turning on his heel and walking down the hallway. </p><p>"it better not be some whore off the street na jaemin!" Donghyuck yells, and jaemin reaches behind him to flip him off as he goes to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin does not fuck whores off the street. he doesn't even know how he would begin to do something like that. however, he is in almost as bad of a situation as he would be if he did know how to do that. </p><p>it didn't happen over night, god no. jaemin doesn't let shit like this just happen. but being an idol is hard. and trying to keep sanity from slipping away at the hands of management is even harder. he does not like to break the rules, but this was his first exception. </p><p> </p><p>tonight, he can tell johnny is stressed. the way he texts, the aura he gives off as he begs jaemin to let him come over. jaemin can't say no, not when johnny treats him so good, uses him good. </p><p>he basks in the anticipation as he waits. they don't do this often, the effort to plan ahead requires too much energy and finesse to uphold on a regular basis. but johnny is tired, and so is jaemin. and the bruises on his torso have faded. </p><p>johnny runs into him in the hallway of the company, right when jaemin is supposed to be getting into the vans to go home, and johnny has a schedule. but that doesn't stop him from grabbing jaemins wrist and pulling him into a random, unused room.</p><p>"hyung i have to-"</p><p>"are you busy tonight." johnny doesn't even let him speak. jaemin looks up at him, vision clouded from how close he is. </p><p>"i don't know." jaemin replies. "maybe. donghyuck wanted me to play with him."</p><p>"after." johnny hums like it's a suggestion. "i miss you."</p><p>jaemin can feel himself slipping, he's weak under the gaze of johnny, and he hardly has the mind to reply. "i don't know, hyung."</p><p>johnny clearly doesn't like the answers he's getting out of the younger, but the grip on his wrist loosens as he stands up straight. "then figure it out, okay?" he brings his hand to tilt jaemin's chin up to face him. jaemin swallows, overwhelmed. "i wanna come visit you, so text me when you have some free time." he smiles, then adds, "busy boy."</p><p>if jaemin blinked he would miss the way johnny leans in and pecks the underside of his jaw  before walking out. he curses to himself when he's alone again, feeling the way his heart beats like thunder. his palms sweaty like he's a fucking schoolgirl with a crush. </p><p>jaemin is very thankful he got a room to himself. right now, he's sure the whole dorm would be able to hear him, if they were here. luckily, chenle's mom took them to dinner. </p><p>"you sure you don't wanna come?" chenle had asked while jisung tied his shoe. jaemin stared at his phone, the vulgar language johnny was typing made his hands shake. he shook his head, glancing up at them. "no I'm good, im too tired."</p><p>"suit yourself." jeno hums and grabs his wallet, following the rest of his members out of the dorm. </p><p>he tells johnny that he's free, and johnny tells him twenty minutes.</p><p>twenty minutes gives jaemin just enough time to throw all his dirty laundry under his bed and take a shower. he's choosing between what shirt to put on (considering if johnny will rip it or spare him this time) as he hears a knock on his room door. </p><p>jaemin breathes in before opening it, and feels the air get punched out of him when he does. </p><p>johnny stands in all his six foot two glory, legs a mile long in tight joggers, jaemin thinks he might be imagining the bulge that puffs out of them as he lets his gaze drop. "who let you in."</p><p>"donghyuck gave me the passcode." johnny says, and he nudged jaemin into his room so he can close and lock the door behind him. </p><p>jaemin smiles when johnny opens his arms, already expecting his touch. and jaemin is a weak man, only so strong. he could never deny johnny of what he wants. he steps into johnnys arms, pressing himself against the older boy.</p><p>"hey baby." johnny hums, pushing a hand up the back of jaemins shirt. jaemin lifts his head to look johnny in the eye, a moment of silence stretching between them before johnny brings his hand to his jaw and connects their mouths.</p><p>the reaction is immediate, jaemin whines against him, body going limp and johnny chuckles into his mouth. his hands are holding jaemin by the waist, moving up and down his spine, his thumbs pressing into his sides hard enough to make jaemin dizzy with want. </p><p>johnny pushes his thumb past jaemins lips,<br/>
his own mouth centimeters away from kissing him again. he stares down at jaemin as the younger closes his lips around johnnys digit, whimpering when johnny pushes down on his bottom row of teeth. </p><p>"you're so pretty." he tells jaemin, pressing a kiss to his bottom lip. jaemin can't do much but stare at the older boy, wide eyes following johnnys movements. </p><p>"missed you." jaemin speaks up. his skin crawls with goosebumps while johnny holds him steady against him. </p><p>"yeah?" johnny looks at him. "tell me how much."</p><p>"johnny." jaemin gasps when johnny closes his mouth against the pulse on his neck, right under his jaw. he's familiar with jaemins body, where to kiss and press to make the younger writhe in his hold. he sucks on the olive skin, scraping his teeth against the red marks and biting, before soothing it with the flat of his tongue. jaemin tries to steady his breathing, gripping onto Johnny's bicep as he has his way with him.</p><p>one of johnnys hands come down to jaemins lower back, dropping to his ass and cupping it through the material of jaemins shorts. "you're addicting." johnny says in english, jaemin lets his eyelids drop, baring his neck further for him. johnnys other hand moves again, this time creeping up his chest until he's pulling jaemin closer to him by the neck, his hand wrapping around his throat. he presses lightly, tilting his face towards him as he leans forward, mouthing at his jaw. "you drive me crazy, jaemin."</p><p>"i know." jaemin whispers. "you always-you're always staring at me. in front of them."</p><p>"i can't help myself." johnny says. "you look so good all the time. i wish i could show them baby, show them how good you are for me. my good boy."</p><p>jaemin keens at his words, all hes ever wanted was to please the older. to prove to johnny, to himself, to everyone, that's he not a kid. </p><p>johnny pulls away, hand still on jaemins neck. he presses his thumb into the newly bloomed marks painted on him, theyre red and irritated, and they'll bruise over tomorrow for sure. "gorgeous." johnny mumbles to himself. </p><p>a sudden urge to be good washes over jaemin as johnny thumbs at his hickeys. he wants to give more, to show johnny how good he can be. </p><p>jaemin let's a small noise out of his throat before he sinks to his knees, right in front of johnny. johnny is caught off guard, but the reaction is so worth it. the way he takes a deep breath through his nose, staring at jaemin with watery eyes. "oh, baby." he hums, watching as jaemin tries to unbottom his jeans quickly. </p><p>"want it." jaemin mumbles, pushing johnnys jeans and boxers down in one go, just enough for his cock to spring out. the sight makes jaemins mouth water with greed, nervousness pools deep in his stomach as he crawls closer and leans his face on johnnys thigh. </p><p>"so cute baby." johnny says, running his hand through jaemin's black hair. "come on." he pushes jaemins head closer to him and jaemin licks his lips. he spits in the center of his palm before picking up johnnys length, giving it a few good pumps. the slide isn't good enough, and johnny grabs jaemins wrist, bringing it up to him and spitting in his hand too. </p><p>jaemin feels his whole body light on fire at the sounds of johnnys groan when he finally puts his mouth on him. he's given plenty of head in his life, but johnny always makes it feel like the first time with how nervous he is. he's overeager to please, to hear johnnys moans, feel him hit the back of his throat with each bob of jaemins head.</p><p>jaemin pumps what he can't fit, taking more of him each time he goes down. his throat burns, but it's a good burn. one hes learned to love, to associate with the affection johnny will reward him with afterwards. until johnny grabs a handful of his hair and pushes him down without much warning, causing jaemin to choke and loose his focus, gagging on Johnny's cock before pulling away. </p><p>"you can take it." johnny hums as he watches jaemin cough. "you were doing so good angel, don't stop now."</p><p>"hyung." jaemin breathes hard through his nose, blinking the tears out his eyes so they run down his cheeks. </p><p>johnny pushes him back down, so far that jaemins nose meets his skin. jaemin squeezes his eyes shut, trying to keep his composure while johnny uses his throat. he lets him up after a few seconds, and jaemin gasps for air, fighting the gag reflex. </p><p>he looks up at johnny, pumping his spit-slicked dick as johnny pushes his thumb into his mouth, smearing the precome on this tongue over his lips. johnny leans down, prying his mouth open with his finger. "open." he demands, and jaemin eagerly loosens his jaw and sticks his tongue out. johnny smiles before bending over and spitting on jaemins tongue, pushing his spit in jaemins mouth with his thumb. </p><p>jaemin whines loudly, so turned on he sees stars in his vision.</p><p>"did you like that?" johnny chuckles. "like when i spit on you like a whore."</p><p>"mhm." jaemin nods, picking the olders dick up again and licking a stripe from the base to the head. "i love it daddy."</p><p>"oh my god." johnny throws his head back when jaemin goes down all the way again, throat tightening around his length. "you're gonna kill me with that one."</p><p>jaemin feels proud when he makes johnny like this. johnny fucks his throat a few more times before he tells jaemin to pull off. jaemin is gasping and choking for air, but that's what he wanted in the first place.</p><p>johnny reaches for him, pulling him back to his feet in one easy move. "you did so good for me." he says, thumbing away the tears on his cheeks. "you're always so eager to please me, i love it."</p><p>"Will you do something else for me baby? one more favor?" </p><p>jaemin looks up at him. he would do anything for the man in front of him, he would die for him. but he doesn't say that, instead just nodding innocently.</p><p>"come here." he leads jaemin to his bed, sitting on the edge of it and pulling jaemin to stand in between his legs. "will you let me take some pictures of you babe?"</p><p>jaemin swallows, watching johnny push a strand of hair behind his ear, his fingers lingering on the side of his face. "pictures?"</p><p>"yeah. only for us to look at. i want to be able to look at them when we're not near eachother, will you do that for me?" </p><p>jaemin thinks. if they ever got out it would be the end for him and johnny, and probably their units too. it's very risky. </p><p>"only you?" he bites his nail, focusing on the grip johnny has on his waist. </p><p>"of course." johnny assures him. "i won't let anyone see them."</p><p>"okay." jaemin nods. </p><p>johnny smiles beautifully at jaemin, leaning up to press a kiss against his mouth. "you're too good for me." he mumbles.</p><p>johnny tells him that they don't have enough time to do all that this time, but he's rewarded with johnny pressing his front into the mattress and peeling off his shorts to pool around his ankles.</p><p>jaemin whines and begs while johnny works him open on three fingers, using too much lube and making a mess he knows he'll have to clean u p later. but right now, jaemin doesn't care, letting spit dribble out of his mouth and onto the sheets below him. he's crying now, which is something that usually always happens the minute johnny gets his finger in him. </p><p>"johnny." he lets out a high moan, sitting up to push his ass against johnny, trying to get more friction then what he's receiving. his shirt is still on, bunched up under his armpits, and the way his pants are around his ankles makes him feel like a whore.</p><p>johnny is still fully clothed too, one hand jerking himself off as he fingers jaemin and watches him loose himself in the feeling.</p><p>"look at you." johnny hums. "so, so pretty. your amazing baby, doing so good. you look so good, all wrecked and needy for me. how do you feel?" he praises.</p><p>"i want more." jaemin says, voice muffled by the pillow he's holding on to. his hips keep rutting against the bed before pushing back to johnny. </p><p>"greedy." johnny mumbles before squeezing jaemin's side, pulling him back. "do you want it in? want me to fuck you before they come home?"</p><p>"yes." jaemin says, exasperated and out of breath. "yes, want it so bad, want you so bad, johnny."</p><p>johnny pushes his boxers down more, thumbing more lube into jaemin before he presses himself closer, pushing all the way in.</p><p>jaemins arms give out as johnny dicks him down like it's their last time on earth. his whole body lights with sweet, hot pleasure. coursing through his veins when johnny draws his hips back and ruts back in, using jaemins hips to steady him. </p><p>"oh god." johnny groans. </p><p>jaemin is sobbing into the pillow, the feeling seems much more overwhelming then it usually is, and jaemin feels lightheaded, on the verge of passing out. </p><p>johnny brings him back to reality when he pulls hard on his scalp, lifting jaemin back onto his arms. "why are you crying angel?" he mocks.</p><p>"it hurts." jaemin says, even though the pain is something he lives for, craves it like water. johnny shushes him by pushing his fingers into his mouth again. "but im taking care of you arent I? making you feel good right?"</p><p>"mhm." jaemin says. johnny let's his hair go and he falls back on his front, grabbing the sheets for purchase as johnny speeds up his thrust. "right there, hyung." he whines when johnny hits it good, right where he wants it. it feels like jaemin might die, and he realizes he would be happy to die this death if it means johnny gets what he wants.</p><p>johnny leans forward, pressing himself completely on jaemins back, nuzzling his face into the crook of jaemins neck. "i love you." he whispers. jaemin knows he's won't last now. "do you know that, baby? i love you so much, you make me so proud."</p><p>"i wanna be good." jaemin whispers, reaching aimlessly for johnnys hand. johnny finds it, grabbing it and pressing their linked hands into the bed above jaemins head. </p><p>"you are." he says, his thrusts erratic and jaemin can tell his close. "you're so good. hmm? tell me how good you are."</p><p>"im good." jaemin says quietly while trying to hide his face, he’s so embarrassed. "im good for hyung."</p><p>"that's right." johnny hums, pleased. "my good boy." </p><p>he grabs jaemins waist and lifts him back up on to his knees, thrusting into him with everything he has. jaemins bed creeks and bangs against the wall, but jaemin isn't focused on anything other than his heart beat, the ball of warmth pooling in his stomach, building with each thrust. </p><p>"m'gonna come." jaemin tells johnny. </p><p>"yeah?" johnny asks. "gonna come for me, come on daddy's cock."</p><p>jaemin grips the pillow with white knuckles, feeling the heat spread across him. he reaches between his legs and jerks himself off to johnny thrusts. it's only takes a few seconds until jaemin cries, biting down on his lips as he comes hot and hard over his fist and the sheets. his ears are ringing, and he hears johnny groan, the air knocked out of him when jaemin tightens around him. </p><p>he fills jaemin up, rutting against him to draw it out, keep it for as long as possible. jaemins hips jerk with overstimulation, and he collapses, exhausted.</p><p>johnny gives one last thrust before he pulls out, collapsing on the bed next to jaemin, sweaty and glowing. </p><p>"jesus." johnny huffs. "you okay baby?" he brushes jaemins hair out of his face when jaemin turns over to face him. he looks absolutely wrecked. cheeks red and wet from crying, his lips bruised from Johnny's kisses, and his whole body is covered in bite marks. johnny treated him so well.</p><p>"mhm." jaemin answers. "tired."</p><p>"daddy has to go soon." johnny whispers into his ear, and jaemin giggles, hitting him lightly on the chest. </p><p>"don't say that."</p><p>"what?" johnny laughs. "you said it first."</p><p>"i didn't mean to." jaemin hums, sitting up. "it slipped out." he wipes the come off his hand onto the sheets while johnny kisses the side of his face. </p><p>"right." johnny rolls his eyes. he climbs over jaemin before pulling his pants up and tucking himself back in them. "i gotta get back, ill text you later okay?" he smiles down at him. </p><p>"mhm." jaemin looks up and meets johnnys eyes. "im gonna pass out in the shower."</p><p>"don't do that." johnny kisses him softly, cupping his jaw. "ill see you later babe."</p><p>jaemin hums as johnny pulls away, slipping his shoes back on and grabbing his phone before he walks out of jaemins room. </p><p>jaemin huffs, falling back on to his bed. it smells like sex and sweat in his room, and he hopes to god no one tries to come in here later. he gets up, stripping his sweaty shirt off and walking to his bathroom, the thought of Johnny's come still in him crosses his mind.</p><p> </p><p>they get theyre schedule back for upcoming promotions, and the size of it makes jaemins migraine immediately flare up.</p><p>they have practice almost every day for a few weeks straight. and most days he's practicing with taeyong hyung for their first set of promotions. But as the weeks go by, they start their group performance prep, and he's with everyone.</p><p>usually, he stays to himself when there's more then five people in the room. he dances good and puts a lot of work into it so he can hurry up and go home. but, with johnny in the room now, he's completely distracted.</p><p>he keeps forgetting about the marks. It's the worst part, everytime he lifts his arms his torso is exposed for a half a second, revealing deep, purple bruises. some faded, some brand new. he knows that no one has noticed them yet, but he's paranoid, looking away whenever he meets Johnny's gaze in the mirror. </p><p>"you're crazy." Donghyuck whispers to him when they're taking a water break. </p><p>"what are you talking about?" he asks, staring at his untied shoe instead of donghyuck. </p><p>"you're hickeys. why don't you at least try to cover them up."</p><p>"i do. I just keep forgetting about them." </p><p>"well cover up before someone notices, nana. hyungs will kill you if they see that."</p><p>donghyuck isn't wrong. but jaemin doesn't have time to cover them up since they're called back into practice. </p><p>dancing goes smoothly for the most part. they get the positioning down and work out part by part. </p><p>there is however, a very big problem. when jaemin raises his arms while he's in center, his torso is shown for a split second, and he quickly pulls his shirt down, but it's too late. </p><p>practice ends and jaemin tries to leave as quick as possible, but johnny stops him in the corner of the room. </p><p>"wear a hoodie next time." he whispers harshly into his ear. jaemins face heats up in embarrassment. he closes in on himself, ashamed. </p><p>"sorry." he mumbles. </p><p>"be careful, jaemin. or your hyungs will notice and get you in trouble."</p><p>"i will." he says. "im sorry." </p><p>"just don't do it again." johnny looks up, realizing there's no one left in the practice room. he smirks, quickly pressing a chaste kiss against jaemin's unsuspecting mouth. he's gone before jaemin can even say anything.</p><p>he takes a deep breath, running his hands through this hair. johnny makes his heart beat like crazy and he feels this whole thing seemingly spinning out of control, closer and closer to falling apart—he can see it already. but for what it's worth, he doesn't really care. as long as johnny continues to drown him with attention, making him feel special for once. if johnny doesn't see anything wrong with what they've got then he won't stop. not for anyone. </p><p>jaemin tells himself he deserves it.</p><p> </p><p>he stares at his reflection. </p><p>he looks pretty. the bruises have faded, but they're still noticeable. small reminders of what johnny has done to him.</p><p>but jaemin is so selfish, and he hates how the bruises disappear. he hates how much he misses johnny. he hates how johnny hasn't texted him in days, how he hasn't seen him in days. jaemin watches himself and wishes he had more that he could show off. flaunt like he's Johnny's property. </p><p>the ache in his heart makes him angry, mad to the point that he can't look at himself any longer, pulling his shirt down. he shouldnt feel this way at all. it isn't even johnnys fault, they've been so busy lately, barely finding the time to eat and sleep let alone hook up. </p><p>and jaemin knows this. that's why he slams the bathroom door shut and sulks back to his bed, tears brimming in his eyes. and once he starts thinking about it, he can't stop.</p><p>what if he's not even the only one? jaemin can't stand to think of anyone else touching johnny the way he does, being touched the way johnny does to him. he hates how much he wants to call johnny his, but that is so unrealistic. being johnnys is impossible.</p><p>jaemin doesn't even realize he's crying until a tear falls onto his thigh. he works himself up over nothing, but the urge to be with johnny crashes over him so intensely that he can't focus on anything else. </p><p>he picks up his phone, shaky hands unlocking it. he feels like he's panicking as he types out johnnys number. jaemin is so scared of rejection, but the emptiness he feels right now seems way worse.</p><p>he wipes his tears with his other hand as he brings up the phone to his ear, the ringing making his heart rate skyrocket with anticipation.</p><p>johnnys voice comes in after the third ring. </p><p>"jaemin?" he says. </p><p>jaemin does not answer right away, taking a shaky breath instead. he glances over at the clock on his nightstand. it's fucking three am.</p><p>"jaemin." johnny says again. "are you there?"</p><p>"im here." jaemin whispers. </p><p>"hey, what's up?" his voice is raspy and deep, rumbling into jaemins ear, soft enough to give him goosebumps. he misses him so bad. "are you okay?" </p><p>"i don't know." </p><p>there's a pause, and jaemin here's shuffling around, assuming that johnny was around the others that live with him. it's even quieter now, the silence deafening.</p><p>"it's late, you know." johnny chuckles. "why aren't you sleeping?"</p><p>"i couldn't sleep. my mind is like..racing." </p><p>"why's that?"</p><p>he thinks about his answer for a second, contemplating on telling johnny the truth. </p><p>"i miss you." he blurts out. </p><p>there's another beat of silence. jaemins head feels like it's about to explode.</p><p>he can hear johnny breathing though, and it brings jaemin the biggest rush of comfort. "yeah?"</p><p>"i do." he says. "i-i haven't seen you. I miss you so much, hyung."</p><p>"i know." johnnys voice drops. "we've been busy huh? and donghyucks been sick you know? he won't leave the room." he laughs. </p><p>jaemin smiles at the sound of his laugh. it's deep and raspy, reminding jaemin of everything johnny is to him, home. </p><p>"is he there now?"</p><p>"Donghyuck? no hes up at mark's, theyre having a movie night or something."</p><p>jaemin breathes in, turning on his side as he brings the blankets up to his chin. "you have the room to yourself?"</p><p>"jaemin."</p><p>"do you?"</p><p>"yeah baby, i do." johnnys voice makes him shiver again, jaemin blames it on the broken furnace in their dorm. "i miss you too, jaemin. it kills me to not be able to see you in practice anymore, showing off those marks to the whole room." </p><p>jaemin takes a deep breath in, letting his eyes close. johnny hears it, takes it as a cue to continue. </p><p>"they noticed. they were taking about it at dinner a couple days ago." Johnny starts again. "i wish i couldn't told them it was me, jaemin. the one that did it, i want to show you off so bad."</p><p>"why don't you?" jaemin asks, nervous. </p><p>"you know why baby."</p><p>"remind me." </p><p>"because." johnny hums. "it would be so selfish of me. ruining you like that. i would fuck up everything, you wouldn't want that."</p><p>"what if i did?" jaemin turns back on his back, staring at the ceiling. </p><p>"you don't." johnny shuts him down. "but, the fun part of all this is keeping it a secret, don't you think."</p><p>"i dunno." he sighs. "i want them to know."</p><p>"know what?"</p><p>jaemin bites his lip, the words seem like curses on his tongue, but he doesn't care. he wants johnny to hear them. he wants johnny to be aware of the impact he has on him.</p><p>"that I'm yours." </p><p>johnny sucks in, and jaemin can almost picture the way his jaw locks, caught of guard.</p><p>"is that so?" he asks.</p><p>"mhm."</p><p>"god." johnny huffs. "you make me so crazy, jaemin. I wish i could see you right now."</p><p>"Come over." he finally lets out. "theyre all asleep johnny. no one has to know, you can just come over—" He pauses, thinking about his words. "come over and fuck me good, and leave right after."</p><p>"yeah?" there's more shuffling in the background. "is that what you want? a quickie in your dorm, while they're all home. what if you're too loud?"</p><p>"i won't be." jaemin says. "ill be good."</p><p>"it's so late, jaemin."</p><p>"i don't care." he huffs, annoyance creeping into his tone. "i can't sleep. i won't sleep until you're here, please."</p><p>jaemin feels like crying again, he'll beg if johnny doesn't give him the answer he wants. and the silence that follows kills him, he just wants it to be over.</p><p>"okay." he finally says after a minute. "alright, ill come, lemme figure something out real quick okay? ill be there soon."</p><p>"thank you." he sighs. "ill let you in."</p><p>"mmkay, don't start without me." johnny laughs and jaemin giggles into the phone. "be good." he says, then hangs up. </p><p>Jesus Christ jaemin thinks as he sits up. his head light as he replays what the fuck just happened.</p><p>he's excited though, so excited for johnny to be over, to hold him, fuck him into the mattress and press more bruises into his sides. he needs it, needs it so bad he still feels like he's on the verge of tears.</p><p>the effect johnny has over him is something he's never experienced with anyone else before. the way he makes his heart beat out of his chest, nervous and embarrassed when johnny pinches his side in front of the members or kisses his cheek when they get a spare second alone. the thought of being in love washes over him like a tsunami, it's overwhelming—completely taking him by surprise and his eyes widen with realization. he cannot afford to be in love. </p><p>he can't process the thought any longer because his phone dings from the bedside table next to him.</p><p>-im outside</p><p>another burst of excitement courses through him as he slips into a hoodie and walks out of his room.</p><p>the dorm is dark, the only thing lighting it up is the kitchen lights. he's relieved to see everyone's room dark, hopefully they're asleep.</p><p>he walks up to the door, putting the pin in before he opens it, and johnny is standing there. </p><p>"hey." he says.</p><p>jaemin takes it in, the sight of him. he's wearing sweatpants, Hair messily tucked into a beanie, he probably hasn't shaved in a couple days since the shadow above his top lip is darker then normal. there's bags under his eyes, and his nose is red from the cold. but jaemin thinks he's looks beautiful.</p><p>"can i come in?" johnny laughs, bringing jaemin out of his relentless mind. </p><p>"oh, yeah." he huffs, embarrassed. "sorry."</p><p>"s'all good." johnny steps past him into the dorm as jaemin closes the door behind him. johnny turns around, facing him. "you look cute." he says, eyeing jaemin's form.</p><p>jaemin has his shorts on again, the hoodie coming just below his waist. he's sure he looks ridiculous, but if johnny says he's cute then he'll believe him.</p><p>he steps closer, and jaemin backs up against the door, staring at johnny with wide eyes. johnny smiles, gently reaching out for jaemins waist and pulling.</p><p>they don't usually do this, affection isn't supposed to come with the whole "friends with benefits/exclusive hookup" dynamic they convince themselves they have. but as johnny leans down, pressing his whole body against jaemin, he can't help but lean into the touch. his nerves on fire as johnny hugs him, nuzzling his face into jaemins neck, taking a deep breath in. "i missed you." he whispers. </p><p>"take me to bed." jaemin whispers back, kissing the side of johnny face. </p><p>"of course." johnny says, then he reaches behind jaemin, grabbing onto the backs of his thighs and picking him up in one go. </p><p>jaemin keens, wrapping himself around johnny and letting him walk them back to jaemins room. he presses open mouthed kisses to johnny's neck as johnny opens the door, kicking it shut behind them. he drops jaemin onto his bed, sitting up before he tugs his coat off and throws it on the floor.</p><p>"you're gorgeous." johnny says, watching as jaemin crawls onto his knees as he pulls his hoodie over his head. "seriously," he leans down to cup jaemins jaw, facing his mouth towards him. "prettiest sight ive ever seen."</p><p>jaemin smiles as johnny closes the gap between them. and finally, finally jaemin feels the buzzing in his veins simmer. the way johnnys tongue pushes into his mouth, sedating the ache in his body is addicting. his muscles relaxing as he leans into the palm johnny puts on his cheek, biting his lower lip.</p><p>jaemin can't help but whimper when johnny inches closer, deepening their kiss, his tongue moving against jaemins, making the younger's head spin. </p><p>they makeout for a couple minutes, jaemin getting increasingly impatient as johnnys hands roam his body, over his sides and down his spine, spreading heat and goosebumps throughout his whole body. </p><p>johnny pulls away with a loud smack, running his thumb over jaemins bruised, spit slicked lips. "i love the way you kiss baby." he mutters. jaemins eyes are heavy with want as he follows johnnys gaze, dropping over his chest and the remnants of marks on his skin. </p><p>"johnny." he whines, tilting his neck back when johnnys mouth reaches his jaw, biting down like he always does. "johnny, turn off the light."</p><p>johnny pulls away, pulling his shirt off as he walks over to the light switch and turns it off. jaemin lays back down on the bed, eyes following johnny until he's climbing over him, in between jaemins legs.</p><p>"you want it like this?" he asks, pressing more kisses down the side of his throat. his fingers dip into the side of his hip, ghosting over his pelvic bone. "on your back, so you can show me how that pretty face looks while i fuck you?"</p><p>"yes please." jaemin beams, the thought of johnny pinning him down and having his way with him makes his brain fuzzy.</p><p>"mm." he hums. jaemin opens his eyes and watches johnny pull the waist band of his shorts down. "lift your hips for me baby."</p><p>jaemin does as he's told, lifting his hips for johnny to pull his shorts and boxers off in one go. he's flushes, cheeks heating up in embarrassment as he watches johnny stare at him. he closes in on himself, subconsciously closing his legs shut.</p><p>johnny tuts, leaning into press a kiss to the side of his knee. "don't be shy." he opens his legs again, kissing down the length of his leg, reaching the inside of his thigh. "you're perfect. hmm? I bet everyone wishes they looked like you, angel."</p><p>jaemins sucks in as johnny moves closer, pulling each of his legs over his shoulders. he leans down and kisses over the expanse of his hip bone, the inside of his thigh. he bites the soft skin there, making jaemin moan softly.</p><p>johnny looks up through his eyelashes, keeping eye contact with jaemin as he spreads his legs further before licking a blunt stripe over him, right up to his hole.</p><p>jaemin feels like he blacks out, hips jerking up into johnnys hold. he's completely overwhelmed when johnnys mouth closes around it. his tongue pushes into him and jaemin sees stars, it's too much too soon. </p><p>"oh my god." jaemin throws his hand over his eyes, embarrassed and needy. his hips won't stop moving, grinding against johnnys mouth. he doesn't know if he wants to pull away or push further into the warmth johnnys tongue supplies him.</p><p>johnny groans and pins his hips down to the bed. "stay still." he mumbles before licking him open again, his tongue flicking over his hole before dragging back up. </p><p>"i can't." jaemins voice breaks. "feels so good, johnny." </p><p>he glances down to watch johnny, his brows furrowed in concentration, he can't even fucking see because it's so dark, but the ball of heat in his stomach is quickly building. </p><p>johnny pulls away, breathing heavy as he reaches across jaemin and digs something out of his nightstand. "try to be quiet. i can't have anyone hearing you, got it?" he asks. "you said you'd be good."</p><p>"i am." jaemin huffs out. "im trying."</p><p>"good." johnny hums before he presses a lubed finger past his rim without warning. jaemin throws his head back, grabbing onto johnnys scalp for purchase.</p><p>it's so good, the way johnny mouths against him while working him open with his finger, pressing into all the right spots. he's practiced, experienced by the way he's memorized jaemins body, knows how to make him feel the best. </p><p>"hey baby." johnny cuts through the sound of his fingers thrusting in and out of him. "let me show you how good you look right now."</p><p>he pulls his fingers out and gets up, the loss of contact giving jaemin whiplash. johnny reaches behind him, grabbing his phone out of his back pocket. for a minute, jaemin is confused. until he remembers their conversation from a few months ago.</p><p>"pictures." jaemin whispers, watching johnny run his hand over his the milky skin of his thigh.</p><p>"will you let me?" he asks, smiling so prettily through the darkness. jaemin can't say no.</p><p>he nods, nervous as he brings his legs up.</p><p>"cant cover up though." johnny hums, kneeling over his body and holding his phone up. "show me all of it babe."</p><p>jaemin wants to impress, he would do anything for johnny. so he takes a breathe in before he sits up, the sudden movement making him raise his eyebrow, confused. but jaemin just stares at him, biting his lip as he turns around, getting onto all fours. he can hear the way johnnys breathe hitches as he arches his back, bending over and sliding his arms up underneath the pillow, his ass up in the air like a slut.</p><p>"jesus." johnny groans, his hand presses itself into soft skin, grabbing his ass. jaemin can hear the sound of his camera, taking picture after picture of his body. "showing off?"</p><p>"for you." jaemin mumbles, bending back again and pushing his ass into johnnys grip, his back arches perfectly and the way he digs his face into the mattress makes him feel so dirty.</p><p>"oh my god." johnny hums, pleased. "you've been hiding this from me the whole time? you're perfect little ass babe, you look like a whore." </p><p>jaemin smiles into the bed, he's so proud of himself, making johnny all worked up like this. he wonders how many pictures johnny has taken already, but he's addicted to the johnnys undivided attention.</p><p>jaemin moves again, turning over on to his back again. he sits up, tugging johnny over him. </p><p>"put it like this." he mutters, grabbing johnnys arm and pressing his hand to his throat. "i like it like this."</p><p>johnnys grip immediately tightens over his pulse, and he takes another picture of his hand wrapped around the base of jaemins throat.</p><p>"what's got you so bad today Hmm?" he whispers, dragging his hand up jaemins throat, he presses into his skin even hard. jaemin hopes to god it leaves a bruise.</p><p>"i just wanna make you proud." he says, holding johnnys hand where it is. johnny snaps a picture of it, the way jaemins mouth hangs open, the veins popping out of johnnys knuckles. he's sure the pictures he's taking are obscene. </p><p>suddenly johnny thrusts down against his crotch, the friction from his jeans creating a glorious spark that lights up jaemins insides.</p><p>"is that right?" johnny asks him, grinding down again. he throws his phone next to them on the bed before bringing his gaze to jaemin. "wanna make daddy proud?"</p><p>jaemin feels light headed again, mostly because johnnys hand keeps tightening around his throat, cutting of his air supply as his hips pistons against his own. "yes." he lets out, exasperated. "i wanna make you so proud. i want you all to myself johnny, i can't help it."</p><p>"you're so fucking needy." johnny responds, he reaches down between their bodies to push his jeans off himself, kicking them off his ankles until they're finally both naked. "always asking for more. what do you want hmm? want me to praise you, tell you how good you make me feel? how good you always are for me?" he continues, forcing jaemins thighs further apart again, his cock brushes swiftly against him.</p><p>"you want that baby, i know you do. i know how much you want my attention, my validation? right? you don't tell cuz you get embarrassed, I can see it." he presses a wet kiss to jaemins jaw. "it's written all over your face. my good little slut. tell me." he demands, and jaemin feels like he's about to come even though they're not even doing anything. he whines, lifting his hips to meet johnnys. "say it." johnny calls.</p><p>"i wanna be yours, hyung." he moans when johnny slides two fingers in him without warning. </p><p>"wanna be yours for everyone to see. that's why-oh god, that's why i like when your mark me up. i wanna show it off, show them who I belong to. i know they've seen it."</p><p>"they sure have." johnny hums, pushing another finger in him. "they talk about it, asking where you got them from. i can't even say anything, for christs sake." </p><p>"daddy." jaemin begs, his hips raising to get johnnys fingers deeper into him. "please fuck me, please ill do anything." </p><p>"shh." johnny coos, "s'okay. i got you, ill take care of you angel. my pretty baby, you're so good for me." </p><p> </p><p>jaemin squeezes his eyes shut when johnny draws out his fingers and replaces them with the tip of his cock. it presses into him easily, his body accepting the intrusion without resistance. he feels so full again when johnny bottoms out, sated with the weight of his body pressed against him. </p><p>"that's it." johnny sighs, grinding his hips to get used to the heat. "nice and tight for me, you're perfect."</p><p>"i love you." jaemin rushes out, desperate for johnnys mouth on his. "i love you, johnny, i miss you." he pulls johnny down to connect their lips in a dirty kiss, too much spit and tongue. but jaemin absolutely lives for it, completely wrecked over the feeling. </p><p>johnny groans into his mouth, pulling out before slamming into him again, the force making their teeth knock together. jaemins glad his moans are muffled by johnnys lips.</p><p>it feels incredible, the way johnny pistons in and out of him. he does it so good, completely taking over jaemins body, using it for his own as he draws pleasure out of the younger with each thrust. </p><p>jaemin silently cries, letting tear after tear run down his face. it's beyond overwhelming, his ears ringing , lower half on fire as johnnys hips slam into the back of his thigh. </p><p>"fuck." johnny curses. "you feel so good, wrapped around me like this. i wish i could have you here forever." </p><p>jaemin does too, really. he would gladly be johnnys pillow princess in some other life where they didn't have responsibilities. </p><p>"turn me over." he moans. "onto my stomach fuck me from behind johnny-"</p><p>johnny pulls out, manhandling him onto his front. he lifts him up onto all fours by the hips. "stay like this for me." he says, giving no warning before slipping back inside of jaemins heat. </p><p>like this, jaemin can feel it inside his guts. he feels like he's being ripped apart in the best way possible, and it makes him want to scream. instead, he grips the headboard, and johnny puts his hand over his, using it as leverage to thrust deeper.</p><p>"oh my god." jaemin whines. "im gonna die." </p><p>"not yet." johnny breathes into his ear. "stay with me baby." </p><p>jaemin doesn't know how long he'll last like this. he buries his head into the pillows, focusing on the stacking sounds and the way his headboard hits the wall with each thrust. </p><p>suddenly johnny stops, and before he even knows what's happening, he's leaning forward against jaemins ear. "tired?"</p><p>"mhm." jaemin nods, eyes still squeezed shut. </p><p>"ride me." johnny says. "i wanna see your pretty face."</p><p>jaemin whines in protest, trying to sit up, but his arms give out almost immediately. </p><p>"come on baby, you've been so good. don't stop now. come sit on my cock like a good boy."</p><p>jaemin huffs, turning around and sitting up. he watches johnny switch places with him, holding him by the waist as jaemin swings his leg over him, straddling his hips. </p><p>he pushes up on his knees, grabbing johnnys cock and aligning it with his hole before he sinks down, taking it all in one go.</p><p>"oh, fuck." </p><p>jaemin squeezes his eyes shut, the position so much deeper than before. he's going insane, the way johnny lifts his hips to meet him halfway as he rolls his down. johnny holds his waist, guiding his movements, it's so much. </p><p>"johnny." he moans, his hands pressed against johnnys chest. theyre both panting, out of breath and sweaty, their skin sticking together each time they grind against eachother. </p><p>"almost there." johnny tells him. "im so close, baby, keep going."</p><p>jaemin wants to make johnny come so bad, he watches the olders face closely, the way he looks when he's blissed out in pleasure, eyebrows furrowing every time jaemin drops back down on his cock.</p><p>"im coming." johnny rushes out before he feels it, the way johnnys abs tighten under his fingers, the sudden rush of heat pooling into him. he whines, throwing his head back as his orgasm washes over him, completely knocking him out. he comes over johnnys abdomen and his thighs, johnny still thrusting up into him to ride it out, keeping it there for as long as possible.</p><p>jaemin collapses onto his chest, breathing heavily as johnny finally stops his hips, reaching around him to pull him closer, chest to chest. </p><p>"shhh." johnny hums, jaemin blinks the tears out his eyes and they land on johnnys skin but he doesn't even care, his whole body buzzing and weak. "breathe baby." johnny tells him, rubbing his sides. </p><p>jaemin looks up at him, searching for his lips. "kiss me." he mumbles, and johnny complies, cupping his jaw and pulling him up to his lips. </p><p>jaemin lets his body relax, all warm and sated after his orgasm. he's sleepy, and johnnys lips against his makes his eyes drop close.</p><p>johnny pulls away after a few minutes of kissing, detaching himself from jaemin and rolling him over onto his back. "stay there, lemme clean you up." he whispers before getting up and leaving the bed. </p><p>jaemin can't feel his body, there's a dull ache in his lower back and he's positive he won't be able to walk properly for a few days. but he's learned to like the aches, the bruises, the pain. theyre all reminders of what he and johnny do in private, for no one else to see but themselves.</p><p>johnny comes back from the bathroom with a wash cloth, and runs it over jaemins skin, collecting the come and spit there. jaemin feels exhausted, and he barely reacts when johnny cleans him up. </p><p>"there we go." he says when he's finished. jaemin opens his eyes to see him putting his boxers back on. </p><p>"hyung." he calls. johnny looks up, humming to let jaemin know he's listening. </p><p>"stay." he whispers. "please."</p><p>johnny pauses, then sighs, climbing back over to jaemin and pressing a kiss against his lips. "you know i can't baby."</p><p>"why not." jaemins voice breaks and it's embarrassing, really. how fast his mood changes. he shouldn't be surprised, this is always how it's happened. nothing more. </p><p>"jaemin." johnny sighs, pushing his hair out of his face as jaemin sits up to face him. </p><p>"why can't you just sleep here, for one night. You can go back before they wake up, they won't even notice hyung."</p><p>"they will." johnny tells him. "i can't risk it."</p><p>"you don't wanna.." jaemin meets his eyes. "you won't even consider it. you always leave. everytime johnny."</p><p>johnny stares at him, he looks exhausted. jaemin doesn't want to fight now, not after all that. but he can feel his emotions getting the best of him, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes again. </p><p>"i hate when you do that." jaemin mumbles. "you leave me like i mean nothing." and johnny does not miss the way his bottom lip quivers, the way his voice breaks again. </p><p>"you're tired, jaemin." johnny says. "you're tired and you need to sleep and i cannot stay here. im sorry, i know this is hurting you, but i can't. we can't take that risk, you'll thank me later."</p><p>"no i won't." jaemin bites. he slips down under the blankets, darting his eyes away from johnny. </p><p>"don't be mad at me please?" johnny sighs. "i wish i could sleep with you, angel. i want to hold you all night, but they'll find out. it'll ruin everything. just-just wait a little longer okay?" jaemins looks at him again. "just until i can figure it out?"</p><p>"jaemin." johnny tilts his face to look at him. "promise you're not mad."</p><p>"just sad." jaemin whispers. "i can't ever be mad at you."</p><p>"i know." johnny leans closer. "i love you, i have to go now okay? go to sleep my angel." he presses a kiss to his lips one more time before pulling away. jaemin watches with heavy eyes as he pulls the rest of his clothes on and grabs his phone, quietly letting himself out of his room for the hundredth time.</p><p>it's hurts more every time he does this. </p><p>jaemin can't seem to stop it though. even if johnny takes a piece of his heart out each time he leaves his bed.</p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>a day off is a rarity when it comes to idol life. jaemin had been doing non stop promotions for three months, completely losing track of time while he works himself to the edge. schedule after schedule, and once it stops, he's finally fully aware of how exhausted he is.</p><p>donghyuck breaks into his room at four pm on their first Saturday off in months. jaemin jerks awake, blinking away the fuzzies in his vision as he stares at donghyuck. </p><p>"wake up." the older boy says. "jeno told me you've been sleeping all day."</p><p>"get out." jaemin groans, turning over and bringing the covers over his head.</p><p>"come on, jaemin." he says, walking over to his bed and nudging him. "jeno and renjun went over to yangyang's dorm and jisung is sleeping over at chenle's."</p><p>"and?" </p><p>"so that means you're coming with me." Donghyuck smiles.</p><p>jaemin sits up, groaning while stretching his limbs, he could've gotten at least another hour of sleep in before he was so rudely awoken. "where to?"</p><p>"taeyong is taking us out." he smiles. "well, most of us. ten and winwin are coming, and everyone else too."</p><p>"am i even invited?" jaemin asks. </p><p>"yes of course. i told them that you were home alone, johnny said i should come pick you up."</p><p>jaemin doesn't even need to think about it, of course he'll go. he'll sit in the van squished between mark and donghyuck if it means he can sit with johnny at dinner.</p><p>"fine." jaemin hums.</p><p>"exactly, go get pretty. we're leaving in like thirty minutes."</p><p>jaemin groans again before getting up, shooing donghyuck out of his room before he locks his door. </p><p>he honestly feels pretty shitty. he hadn't gotten out of bed all day, drifting in and out of sleep and only getting up to pee. no one had even texted him let alone came to see if he was still alive, which should probably be concerning if jaemin wasn't thankful that he was left to himself all day. </p><p>he has a migraine, but he gets in the shower anyways, letting the hot water cure it like it always does. he is excited though, he hasn't been out to dinner in months especially not with his hyungs. donghyuck usually never invites them—because of his weird god complex he tends to gatekeep their older members. but jaemin finds it very amusing that johnny suggested he'd be included in their outings for once. </p><p>like clockwork, donghyuck knocks on his door the same time jaemin opens it. </p><p>"wow jaemin who are you trying to impress?" Donghyuck smirks as he checks him out obnoxiously. </p><p>"no one." jaemin mumbles, he looks at himself in the mirror, smiling. "it's literally just a turtle neck, donghyuck."</p><p>"yeah to hide all those hickeys you keep obtaining..are you ever gonna tell me who you've been screwing anyways?"</p><p>"nope."</p><p>"why not. im your best friend."</p><p>"you're barely my acquaintance, and because it's none of your business."</p><p>"you sure? cuz if it gets out it will be my business."</p><p>"which is exactly why i won't tell you to avoid that." jaemin turns to him. "can we go now?"</p><p>donghyuck glares at him before walking away. "fine." he mutters.</p><p>jaemin snickers as he closes his door behind him, grabbing his bag off the shelf and his coat. </p><p>"what shoes should i wear. i can't be taller than mark-hyung again, that was embarrassing." donghyuck says from the living room. </p><p>"do you have a crush on him or something?"</p><p>"no." Donghyuck says, completely defensive. "that's disgusting. that's the worst thing you've ever said to me jaemin."</p><p>"sure." jaemin rolls his eyes. "the boots, theyre cute."</p><p>"i agree." donghyuck grabs the boots and slips one on each foot before putting his coat on too. "don't forget your wallet, taeyong hyung said he's not paying for anyone."</p><p>"got it." jaemin says before following donghyuck out of the dorm. </p><p>"oops." Donghyuck mumbles while they get into the elevator. </p><p>"what?"</p><p>"mark said theyre already on their way, but he's with manager hyung to come get us, guess we're fashionably late again."</p><p>"great." jaemin huffs, "how are we always the last ones to show up to these kinds of things."</p><p>"dunno." </p><p>they walk downstairs and climb into the van that's parked out front, donghyuck opening the door for him.</p><p>"hey mark." jaemin says as he climbs in to the back seat, donghyuck following right after him. </p><p>mark turns around from the front seat, smiling. "hey, you guys took so long."</p><p>"that's jaemins fault, he slept all day." Donghyuck mumbles. "is everyone really there already?"</p><p>"yup. taeyong said he saved us seats, thank god we made reservations."</p><p> </p><p>when they pull up to the restaurant, donghyuck and jaemin follow mark up to the top floor where the rest of them are. "sheesh." jaemin says, "taeyong had to pick the most expensive place huh."</p><p>"he likes luxury i guess." mark replies before the elavator door opens and mark leads them to the table.</p><p>when they get there, jaemin immediately finds himself looking for johnny. he spots him on the end, but his excitement deflates when he sees no empty seats near him.</p><p>johnny looks up from his phone and connects his eyes with jaemins, smiling before he stands up to greet them. jaemin takes it as a cue to walk towards the older.</p><p>"hey." johnny says quietly, looking down at him. jaemin smiles, about to open his mouth before johnny interrupts him.</p><p>"can you move over one." johnny asks doyoung who's sitting next to him. doyoung looks up, eyebrows raised. </p><p>"cant he just sit over there?"</p><p>"cant you just move over one." johnny glares at him. doyoung huffs, grabbing his wallet off the table before he moves to the seat next to him. </p><p>"thanks." jaemin tells doyoung before sitting down, johnny sitting next to him. "you didn't have to do that." he says.</p><p>"i wanted to be near you." johnny smiles at him. "here lemme grab your coat, it's hot in here."</p><p>jaemin takes off his coat and lets johnny put it on the end chair where his bag and the other 's coats are sitting.</p><p>"hey jaemin." someone calls to him, and he looks up. ten's sitting across from them, next to yuta and jaehyun who are arguing about some Chinese dish on the menu. "how was your day off."</p><p>"fine." he nods, glancing down at the menu. "I slept all day."</p><p>"all day?" johnny chuckles.</p><p>"yeah, donghyuck kept me up until four in the fucking morning playing his stupid game."</p><p>"hey." Donghyuck calls from the other end. "i didn't force you to do shit, you volunteered."</p><p>"right." jaemin huffs and rolls his eyes. "because i would voluntarily spend time with you."</p><p>the table explodes into a fit of laughter, and jaemin smiles when he hears johnny giggle behind him. johnnys hand coming up to rest on the back of his chair and it makes jaemins heart skip a beat. </p><p>"that's rich." Donghyuck mutters, and mark laughs and throws his arm around him for moral support.</p><p>"hey uh, did you want a drink?" johnny whispers in his ear. </p><p>"oh..um? maybe.." Jaemin looks down at the menu. there's a whole list of different cocktails and alcoholic drinks that he has no clue about. </p><p>"do you want some of mine?" johnny suggests. "it's just a margarita."</p><p>jaemin looks at it, it's colorful and looks like it tastes like a beach. johnny smiles, picks up the glass and tilts it towards jaemin. </p><p>jaemin is immediately addicted after he takes his first sip. it's just as tropical as it looks, and the tinge of alcohol is so sweet it's barely noticeable. </p><p>"mm, that's good." </p><p>"yeah ill order you one." johnny hums and takes a sip too. jaemin smiles at him again.</p><p>"yo johnny."</p><p>they both break eye contact to look up at yuta. </p><p>"wanna smoke in your room tonight? i got a new-"</p><p>"im probably gonna be busy." johnny says, reaching across jaemin to grab a roll of bread. "got something to do."</p><p>"like what?" yuta asks. "Saturday's are our smoke days."</p><p>"yeah well not tonight." </p><p>"what? you got a hookup or something?" yuta mumbles. </p><p>"wouldnt you like to know." ten giggles. "johnny is a busy man."</p><p>"i highly doubt that." yuta says. "your loss man, i cleaned my bong too." then he looks up at jaemin, eyes widening. "hey, why don't you smoke with us?"</p><p>"huh?"</p><p>"you should come over, me, jaehyun and maybe Lucas if he gets off in time. have you ever smoked before?"</p><p>"he's not going, yuta." johnny mumbles. </p><p>"uh, i don't remember asking you. plus you bailed, so i need a replacement."</p><p>"I've never smoked before." jaemin tells him. "i wouldnt even know how to-"</p><p>"ill teach you." yuta smiles at him. "i taught donghyuck, i can teach you."</p><p>"no, i taught donghyuck." johnny says. "and don't you have a schedule tomorrow? you can't get high tonight jaemin." he turns to face jaemin, staring into his eyes. </p><p>"i mean yeah." jaemin says. "i probably shouldn't."</p><p>"right." johnny hums.</p><p>"man since when do you listen to him. you guys are so lame." </p><p>"ignore him." johnny mumbles softly. "he's in a bad mood."</p><p>jaemin giggles at him, amused while the rest of the table talks about something that jaemin doesn't pay much attention to. for the whole dinner, his mind is hyper fixated on johnnys hand under the table, ghosting over the expanse of his thigh. </p><p>at first, jaemin tries not to make a big deal out of it, but when johnny squeezes, his hand in between the junction of his thigh, jaemin gasps quietly. his head jerks to the side to face johnny, who's jaw is locked, eyes focused on jaehyun who's talking from across them. he looks completely unfazed, totally unaware of what he's doing. </p><p>jaemin takes a deep breath in, glancing down at the way johnnys arm flexes every time he squeezes again. "what are you doing?" he whispers.</p><p>"hmm?" johnny looks at him. "You okay?"</p><p>"im fine." </p><p>he can see a smirk appear on johnnys face as he turns to the front again, focusing on jaehyun's conversation instead. </p><p>johnnys hand stays there for awhile, hidden under the table on his thigh, rising higher and higher, until jaemin gasps again and he brings it back down to the middle of his thigh. johnny keeps his eyes on jaehyun and yuta, even replying when they ask him something. but jaemin can't even keep his eyes open, he goes to cross his legs, trying to get away from Johnny's hand. but johnny forces his legs back open, before roughly palming over the front of his pants.</p><p>jaemin jerks forward, and immediately johnny pulls away when they all give him a weird look. "you good?" ten chuckles awkwardly. </p><p>"yeah." jaemin mutters, he feels his cheeks flare up in embarrassment. "just hit my foot on the chair." </p><p>he can feel johnny's eyes on him, probably judging him for his horrible lying skills. his palms are sweaty and the nervousness in his stomach bubbles up, he doesn't even want to eat anymore.</p><p>only a few minutes pass before johnnys hand finds it way back on to jaemins thigh, this time starting all the way up, his fingers grazing the front like before. jaemin grabs johnnys wrist with the intention of pulling it off of him, but johnny curls his fingers against him while a spark of sweet warmth blooms in the pit of his stomach. he digs his nails into johnnys wrist, trying to fight back the urge to whimper.</p><p>johnny continues pressing into him, curling his fingers against the outline of his cock through jaemins pants. it's shameless, the way johnnys attention is fixed on anything but jaemin while his entire palm is pressed against him under the table. </p><p>jaemin finds himself leaning into it, the touch that johnny supplies feels amazing. his whole body tingling and he can't sit still for the life of him—he's sure this looks far from normal from the other side of the table.</p><p>jaemin lets his eyes fall shut for a split second, basking in the pleasure that only seems to grow as johnny fingers move. it's not even like he's doing that much, and jaemin is completely embarrassed that he's on the verge of coming from johnny palming him at dinner like some voyeur. </p><p>they keep at it like that for probably ten minutes, johnny creating friction against him, outlining the length of him through his jeans before coming back down to grip his thigh tightly. jaemin keeps his legs closed as much as possible, letting his hips softly rut against johnny without creating too much of a scene. </p><p>he catches yutas eyes locked on him for a split second and immediately looks down, trying to steady his breath and realize what the fuck he's doing. another pool of heat crashes over him though, and he feels his whole body relax and tense over and over again. he keeps his eyes focused on the plate of food in front of him while he tries to control his breathing, but the way johnny speeds up his movements the slightest makes his heart rate skyrocket. his whole body feels like it's on fire, his head light and dizzy from trying to hold his breath. it's too much, and all of a sudden a sharp graze of johnnys finger unravels the ball of heat in his core. his knees pull together immediately, unconsciously trapping johnnys hand between his thigh as his orgasm racks through him like an earth quake. </p><p>jaemin holds his breath, and johnny must notice that he's coming since his head whips to the side, gawking like it's jaemin's fault or something. </p><p>jaemin lets his head fall, the pleasure disappearing rapidly as he realizes what he's done. his ears are ringing when he looks up, and yuta is staring at him hard. </p><p>"I'm-" Jaemin pulls johnnys hand off of him and gets up. "bathroom." he mumbles, grabs his phone and storms off as fast as possible, face completely red.</p><p>he walks to the bathroom, breathing heavy through his nose as he plays over and over again that fact that he just came in front of everyone like that. this has to be some sort of sick joke, he knows johnny finds it amusing. but this, this is completely immoral.</p><p>jaemin gets to the bathroom and throws himself in one of the stalls, unzipping his pants to inspect the damage. sure enough, his boxers are completely ruined. he cannot believe this is happening, and leans his head against the cold door, trying to calm himself down. </p><p>suddenly his phone dings from his back pocket. jaemin picks it up and reads the message from johnny.</p><p>-where'd u go? lol</p><p>-i didn't think that would happen..</p><p>"asshole." jaemin mumbles under his breath. </p><p>he leaves johnny on read in favor of trying to dry his pants at least a little bit. </p><p>-hey come back :(</p><p>jaemin huffs, grabbing his phone off the back of the toilet. </p><p>—i  can't believe u</p><p>—yuta definitely noticed omg</p><p>-no he didn't</p><p>-don't worry. Come back</p><p>jaemin sighs again, looking up at the ceiling as he racks his brain for any dignity left to go back to the table. he feels more than humiliated and he wants to go home. but that would look even more suspicious if he tries to leave before the rest. </p><p>he finally works up the courage to go back after a few more minutes, walking back to the table with his head down like he's about to confess his sins.</p><p>johnny glances up at him when he pulls the seat back out, but jaemin doesn't notice it. his full attention fixed on the fact that yuta is glaring at him like he's the only one aware of the crime jaemin just committed.</p><p>yuta eyes him up and down, then raises his brow at his crotch before jaemin even gets a chance to sit down. jaemin panics, dropping his head to realize his fucking fly is down. </p><p>he zips it up quickly, sitting down before he can cause any more destruction. but yuta has already noticed, probably has already scripted what he's gonna say to humiliate jaemin even more. </p><p>he meets yutas amused eyes, trying to make it obvious that all of this was a total mistake, silently begging for the older to keep quiet. yuta seems to get the memo, since he smirks before nodding, picking up his glass and taking a sip, keeping eye contact with jaemin. johnny seems to not notice any of the shit yuta is doing to him, instead grabbing his napkin and wiping off his hands like a little bitch. the same one glued to his crotch only a few minutes ago—jaemins mind supplies. </p><p>ten is in the middle of telling yuta about his morning but obviously god hates him since yuta swallows then clears his throat and interrupts ten. "you might wanna use something better, that's not gonna get the uh.." He pauses, then smirks at both of them, "..residue." </p><p>jaemin feels like he's legitimately gonna die the way ten shuts up the second those words escape yutas mouth. he can see the way johnny obvious falters, completely taken off guard as he's stares back and fourth between jaemin and yuta. </p><p>yuta looks like he just saved the whole world, completely impressed with his lack of respect and moral value. </p><p>"um." johnny says, looking back at jaemin. "can we get the bill now?"</p><p>yuta laughs out loud, and everyone stares at him like he's crazy. jaemin feels like he's gonna cry, or throw up which might be worse. nothing worse then what has happened already to him tonight. </p><p>the waiter saves them from the awkward silence only a few minutes later, giving everyone their respective bills. jaemin goes to grab his wallet but johnny pulls his wrist, looking at him with a cute smile that makes jaemin want to kiss him right there. "i got it." he whispers.</p><p>"what? no, it's fine." </p><p>"no let me," johnny hands his and jaemins receipt and his card to the waiter. "it's good jae."</p><p>"jae?" yuta interrupts them again. "is that what you go by now?"</p><p>"yuta, would you kindly shut the fuck up?" johnny glares at him. yuta throws his hands up in defense, playing the victim when johnny yells at him is his specialty. </p><p>their waiter comes back and hands them their cards, thanking them for dining as they all grab their coats and bags. </p><p>"jaemin." Donghyuck calls. "im going back to marks dorm, wanna come? we're gonna play call of duty with hendery later too." </p><p>jaemin looks back at johnny, trying to give him the hint that he obviously needs to be alone with him later to talk. johnny nods gently, and jaemin turns back around to face donghyuck. </p><p>"nah, im gonna go back home. i got stuff to do since i slept all day and wasted all my free time."</p><p>donghyuck rolls his eyes at him. "whatever, suit your introvert ass and be alone all night. we're drinking too by the way."</p><p>"yeah im good." jaemin huffs. </p><p>donghyuck gives him another glare before mark pulls him away and starts walking out of the restaurant. </p><p>johnny hands him his coat, bending over to whisper in his ear quickly. "ill text you?"</p><p>"kay." jaemin says before snatching his coat from the older and following everyone out to the vans, not even waiting for johnnys response. he can feel his gaze on him the entire walk back outside before he climbs into the car.</p><p> </p><p>he's only home for an hour before johnny texts him again, telling him that's he's literally outside his door. and jaemin doesn't even have time to figure out how the fuck he got out of his own dorm without being questioned by the older members. jaemin is perched on the couch watching some show jeno recommended when johnny lets himself in.</p><p>"here." is the first thing johnny says to him, handing him a bottle of expensive looking wine while he takes his shoes off. "as an apology."</p><p>"this is your apology." jaemin deadpans at him. "a bottle of wine? what am i your girlfriend?"</p><p>"something like that." johnny smiles at him, walking over to the love-seat he's on and standing in front of him.</p><p>"excuse me, I'm trying to watch this."</p><p>"aren't you gonna say hi." johnny brushes a peice of hair out of his face. "engage with me?"</p><p>"nope." jaemin hums. "you've lost my interest."</p><p>"oh really?" he quirks and eyebrow. "that's doesn't really add up with the way you acted today at dinner babe."</p><p>"that was completely your fault." jaemin looks up at him, glaring. he knows johnny finds his anger amusing. "seriously johnny, that was so embarrassing."</p><p>"what that you came so easily or that someone noticed?"</p><p>"both." jaemin grunts. "and the fact that you weren't even trying to hide it, your whole fucking hand was..i don't even want to think about it." </p><p>johnny laughs, sitting down next to jaemin and pulling him in closer to face him. "i didn't think you would do that." he whispers, leaning into the crook of jaemins neck. "it was hot as fuck."</p><p>"no." jaemin moves away from Johnny's mouth, looking down at him with venom in his eyes. "it was humiliating. we're never doing that again."</p><p>"jaemin." johnny hums, pulling the younger back to him. "you forgot what we talked about. you know, the way you wanted to show off." </p><p>"not like that." he mumbles back, subconsciously leaning into the warmth of johnnys mouth working on his neck. "i didn't mean it for real. it was just-"</p><p>"Just what? a lie?"</p><p>"in the heat of the moment." </p><p>"right." johnny pulls away. "and what happened today was in the heat of the moment too. you just got carried away, and you should know yuta's an asshole all the time."</p><p>"yeah, and he's probably gonna tell everyone he knows. we're completely screwed, you fucked it up."</p><p>"calm down." johnny mutters against his skin, his hands keeping jaemins waist pinned to his side. "you're overthinking it."</p><p>"i don't wanna get in trouble, johnny."</p><p>"and i will make sure that won't happen." johnny looks up at him. "there's nothing to worry about. now please, can we not take this empty dorm for granted right now?"</p><p>jaemin huffs, standing up and pushing johnny off of him while doing so. "What so you can leave right after?"</p><p>"if we start now we'll have a few minutes to cuddle?" johnny stands up and towers over him, grabbing him by the waist to press their bodies together. "come on baby." he noses against jaemins jaw. "let's have some fun?"</p><p>"like what?" jaemin asks, running his hands through Johnny's nape. </p><p>"anything." he says. "got the whole night." he pulls away and cups jaemins jaw, sliding his thumb across his bottom lip as his gaze drops to his mouth then back up to jaemins heavy eyes. "wanna see you wrecked again, all worked up, remember?"</p><p>"yea." jaemin sighs against him. "i remember begging."</p><p>"wanna do that again?" johnny asks him, leaning down and ghosting his lips softly over jaemin's. </p><p>"you know i do." </p><p>"mm." johnny presses his lips against him, immediately sucking his tongue in his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip. he swallows jaemins whine, pressing himself even closer and completely devouring jaemin. </p><p>johnny grabs him by the waist, pushing back until jaemins back hits the wall behind them. johnny pins him against it with his weight, pulling back and staring at jaemins wide eyes. "this is so wrong, you know." his eyes move lazily from jaemin's mouth up to his eyes.</p><p>"how so?"</p><p>"i feel like everytime we do this im stabbing them in the back, telling them to fuck themselves and all the hard work they've put into this..the work we've put in too."</p><p>"i don't think about it like that." jaemin whispers as johnny noses under his jaw. "i don't think it can be wrong if it feels good, right?"</p><p>"that's the whole point baby." johnny pulls back and leans his forehead against jaemins, so close he can feel his breath hitting his face. "we all want what we can't have."</p><p>"i can have you though."</p><p>"not the way you want me." </p><p>"but i still have you, don't I?" jaemin looks up at him. "you're still here, you're still gonna walk back into my room in a few minutes, still gonna take me like you always do." he pauses. "..like you've learned how to do for months.."</p><p>"you're a sin." johnny breathes against him. "i feel so guilty everytime i leave here. you're like, like the fucking devil or something."</p><p>"you lied then." jaemin hums, pulling johnny closer to him, ghosting his lips over his. "you told me I was your angel." </p><p>jaemin watches as Johnny's lips purse into the most tainted smile ever, his pupils dilated and dark, looking at jaemin like he's God. johnny closes the gap between them again, reuniting their mouths in another kiss that leaves jaemins knees weak. </p><p>"maybe you're both." johnny toys with the hem of jaemin's hoodie, lifting it to expose those beautiful marks again. "wanna know what i think?"</p><p>"yes." jaemin whispers, watching as Johnny's long fingers pull his hoodie up, pressing his hands against the heated skin of his waist. </p><p>"i think.." Johnny starts, leaning into the crook of jaemins neck. he bites down on his collarbone, sending shockwaves through jaemin. "it doesn't matter which one you are—"</p><p>he bites again, licking over the mark. jaemins head is buzzing, grabbing onto johnnys shirt as he tries to steady himself. "the devil, or an angel, or both." he continues. he presses his tongue into the hollow of jaemins collarbone. "i think you deserve to be worshipped either way." he whispers, then bites down again, hard enough to draw blood, and jaemin feels like he's lost his mind completely.</p><p>"will you?" jaemin asks softly, pulling on Johnny's shirt to get his attention. "worship me?"</p><p>johnny smiles again, his lips red and bruised from kissing so hard. he's the prettiest being jaemin has ever laid eyes on. "I'd get on my knees and praise you, jaemin. i would kiss every inch of your body, you're perfect." he drops his gaze to jaemins eyes, staring at him. "ill worship you." he mumbles. </p><p>"then do it, hyung." he whispers. "right here."</p><p>johnnys eyes go dark as silence falls between them. jaemin could probably cut the tension with a knife, and he's completely enamored when johnny slowly sinks to his knees in front of him.</p><p>"if this is what you want." johnny looks up, fingers moving to untie the band of jaemins pajama pants. "so dangerous," he says to himself, "the door is right there."</p><p>"they're all gone." jaemin takes a deep breath in as johnny works his pants and boxers down. "they-they won't see."</p><p>"you wish they could though, right?"</p><p>"yea." jaemin whispers. "wish they could see you on your knees right now."</p><p>johnny hums again, before pushing his boxers all the way off and grabbing a hold of jaemin's cock. jaemin watches closely, the way johnny looks up at him before taking him down. it's overwhelming, the way johnnys mouth takes him all in one go. he's practiced, the way his mouth hollows out, the way he lets jaemin grab onto his hair for support, the way he's sucking like he wants to prove something to jaemin, to show him he's capable of worshipping.</p><p>jaemin can't breathe. the heat pooling in his stomach is so powerful it has him gripping johnnys scalp. his breathing ragged, and heavy, and the only thing leaving his mouth are gasps, sighing out Johnny's name every time he hits the back of the older's throat. </p><p>johnny pulls off after a few minutes, trying to catch his breath. he looks up at jaemin, his eyes heavy and dark, glazed over. "is it good?" he rasps out.</p><p>"so good." jaemin responds. "i didn't know you could do this." </p><p>"i don't like doing it a lot." johnny hums again. "but I cant help myself around you." he licks another stripe up jaemin's length, his hand stroking what he can't fit, the other one running over his torso and hips.</p><p>jaemin can't get enough, his whole body tingles and he needs to get johnny in his bed before this ends too quickly. "hyung." he calls.</p><p>johnny pulls off again and looks up. "please." jaemin whispers. "do it here. like this, hyung. against the wall."</p><p>johnny wipes his mouth and stands up, pressing himself to jaemins body, towering over him again. "out here?"</p><p>"yes." jaemin says, head dropping as johnny kisses his cheek. "yes come on, please. fuck me out here, right here johnny-"</p><p>"fuck, okay." johnny pushes his own pants down, grabbing a hold of his cock while he turns him around, pinning jaemin's chest to the wall. </p><p>the tv is still playing that stupid show, the sound of johnny spitting into his hand rings in his ear. jaemin presses the side of his face against the wall, glancing at the door. he wonders what any of his members would do if they walked in right now, but he can't even entertain the thought for long before one of johnnys fingers pushes into him.</p><p>it burns, which is something jaemin expected. there's not enough lube, but he doesn't care, not with the way johnny stretches him open, nuzzling his face against the nape of his neck while he watches his own movements.</p><p>"s'gonna hurt." johnny mumbles to him. </p><p>"i don't care." jaemin says, pushing his ass out to get johnny to speed up. "hurry up." </p><p>"okay baby, be patient." </p><p>jaemin doesn't have the time to protest before johnny spits again, slicking his dick up. jaemin breathes in, looking around before he catches his reflection in the mirror from the living room. he can see his entire figure, pressed up against the wall, pants discarded next to him. he looks completely wrecked.</p><p>johnny pins him down, kissing his shoulder as he guides himself into jaemin, pausing for a second as jaemins head drops against the wall. "yes." he gasps, "like that."</p><p>johnny pushes all the way in, grabbing onto jaemins hips as he starts to thrust. the slide hurts, way more then jaemin is used to, and he can already feel himself getting weak, tears brimming in his eyes. </p><p>"jaemin." johnny groans. he reaches around him to grab onto jaemins throat, tilting his head back against his chest. "this is what you want?" he asks, and jaemin really doesn't even know what's hes asking for but he opens his mouth anyway, giving johnny a dead giveaway to spit in his mouth. </p><p>he does it, leaning in and spitting before kissing jaemins lips. jaemin whines loudly, swallowing while johnny bites his mouth. </p><p>jaemins whole body hurts, but it feels so good, so addicting that jaemin would die if he stops now. </p><p>"lemme hear you." johnny says in his ear.  "tell me how it feels,"</p><p>"feel like m'gonna die." jaemin moans, resting his forehead against the wall as johnny continues his sharp thrusts. the way his hack his arching hurts, his whole body numb, and he really doesn't know how long he'll last like this. </p><p>Johnny's right there though, his face in the junction of jaemin's neck, kissing his collarbones and shoulders, breathing in his ear. his hands keep jaemin still as he fucks him, sending jaemin into orbit with how good it feels.</p><p>"don't-" johnny mumbles, biting the line of his ear to suppress the moans escaping him. "don't let anyone else do this." </p><p>jaemin can feel himself closing in, head falling against the wall as he reaches for johnnys hand to hold against it. a wave of neediness crashes over him, he's never wanted johnny to be his more than right now. when johnnys got him pressed against the wall, their reflection plays in front of them from the mirror. the whole scene is so unholy, jaemin feels so bad.</p><p>"did you hear me?" johnny breaks through jaemins moans again. </p><p>"yea." jaemin whimpers. "i won't. i won't hyung, only you."</p><p>"that's right." he says, speeding up his thrusts to hit right where jaemin needs it. "do you see yourself jaemin?" </p><p>johnny grabs a hold of jaemins neck and turns his face towards the mirror again, and the look on jaemins own face makes him heat up in embarrassment. he looks wrecked, being fucked raw in the living room is truly something else. his hair falls into his face with every thrust, and his eyes drop every time johnny kisses him.</p><p>but, jaemin thinks johnny looks even better. the way he's pinning jaemin down, eyebrows knitted together with focus, precision, determination. he's so determined to please, to make jaemin feel good. his whole body glistens with sweat, his chest red and heaving as he pushes in and out, groaning every time. </p><p>"beautiful." johnny hums, looking over to meet jaemins gaze in the mirror. "you look like you were sent straight from heaven."</p><p>"im so lucky. you're so out of my league, jaemin, you're perfect. look at you baby? you look amazing, you're gorgeous." he continues, every word leaving his mouth makes jaemins heart race, blinking away the tears that run down his face. "my angel, i love you. i love you baby, do you hear me?"</p><p>"yes." jaemin whispers. "i love you." he lets his head fall, feeling the familiar ball of heat build up in his stomach. "i love when you fuck me and tell me how good i am. you treat me so well, i only do it for you, hyung. please-"</p><p>johnny groans again, one of his hands pinned against the wall next to jaemins head, his thrust turning sloppy. "fuck, jaemin." he moans. "you're making me loose my fucking mind."</p><p>jaemin gasps, his core tightens as pure heat cuts through him, making his thighs shake. he knows johnny is literally holding most of his body weight, he's completely exhausted and in the hands of the older.</p><p>jaemin lets himself get lost in the feeling, detaching from reality as he squeezes his eyes shut, his orgasm ripping through him. johnny groans, head digging into jaemins shoulder as he comes too, hips stilling against jaemins, filling him up.</p><p>jaemin whines, sweaty and tired and he feels his legs giving out but johnny is still thrusting, milking it out for as long as possible. jaemin feels dizzy, on the verge of passing out, and he doesn't even feel alive. </p><p>johnny kisses his neck, slowly down until he comes to a stop. their bodies stuck together with sweat, and the heat surrounding them makes jaemin shiver. </p><p>"got you." he whispers. "i got you babe." on of his hands come around jaemins torso to support him as jaemin's legs completely give out, slumping against johnny and the wall.</p><p>"cant walk." he whimpers.</p><p>he gasps when johnny pulls out, holding jaemin by the waist to keep him up. "s'okay, let's get to bed."</p><p>jaemin turns around and latches on to johnny, pushing his face into the olders chest. his eyes are so heavy he can barely open them as johnny grabs onto him, lifting jaemin into his arms. </p><p>johnny walks them to jaemins room, setting him on his bed gently. "good?" he asks. </p><p>jaemin takes off his shirt and throws it on the floor, reaching for johnnys hand as he pulls him down on to the bed next to him. </p><p>"thank you." he mumbles as johnny leans down to kiss him. </p><p>johnny smiles against his mouth, climbing over jaemin into the bed next to him before pulling him into his chest. "you're so cute." he whispers. "even when you're crying and can't walk."</p><p>"shut up." he huffs. "it's your fault anyways."</p><p>johnny giggles, reaching up to kiss jaemins cheek as his hands hold his waist, turning him into his side so jaemin can rest his head on the older's chest. </p><p>jaemin throws one of his legs over johnnys hips, closing the gap between their bodies completely. it's so warm, jaemin feels like he'll fall asleep any second.</p><p>johnny tilts his head down, cupping jaemins jaw so they can kiss again. it's slow, basking in the warmth they provide eachother, Johnny's hands roaming his body as he sucks on jaemins bottom lip.</p><p>"i never want this to end." jaemin whispers, digging his face in the crook of Johnny's neck. </p><p>"i know." johnny looks at him. “neither do i.”</p><p>there's a silence that comes over them, jaemin can feel it. like they're both avoiding an obvious conversation. but jaemin doesn't want to address it now, not when johnny is holding him like this for the first time.</p><p>jaemin presses a kiss to Johnny's chest, shifting his hips a little bit. the movement makes johnny suck in a sharp breath. "don't do that."</p><p>"do what?"</p><p>"im gonna get hard again." johnny mumbles. "you're like, pressed up against me."</p><p>"cuz it's warm." </p><p>one of johnnys hands move around him to ghost over the expanse of jaemins back, down his spine until his fingers press into the milky skin of his ass, trapping him against his own body. he experimentally rolls his hips, grinding onto jaemins as their cocks brush up against eachother, jaemin letting a shaky breath out.</p><p>"im too tired." he whines, even though he can feel himself hardening again. </p><p>johnny must not care since he pushes a dry finger over his hole from behind, letting his hips rut harder against jaemin.</p><p>"one more." he whispers. "you're so wet, come on."</p><p>jaemin whimpers when johnny sits up, pressing his chest to jaemin as he turns the younger over again. "you don't even have to do anything, lemme take care of you." he mutters into his ear, spreading his legs again and slipping back into the warm heat.</p><p>jaemin whimpers, the pressure building between his legs feels amazing, even before johnny can start thrusting again. </p><p>"so sensitive, baby." johnny groans from behind him. "m'gonna fill you up good."</p><p>jaemin scrambles to pull the pillow under his head, grabbing onto it for purchase as johnny starts to fuck him again. like this, jaemin can feel heat pool in his stomach already, sensitive and overstimulated.</p><p>he subconsciously grinds against the sheets everytime johnny thrusts in, keeping their bodies close, rutting against eachother.</p><p>"baby." he moans, and jaemin spreads his legs further, pushing his ass out to get johnny in deeper. "you're a menace." he pushes his head down into the pillow, bracketing him against the bed just like he always does.</p><p>"daddy." jaemin calls, he doesn't miss the way johnnys hips stutter for a second, overwhelmed. "it's too much—" </p><p>"tell me, show me how good it feels."</p><p>"'s too much." jaemin slurs, he's drooling on his pillow, knuckles white with how hard he's gripping it. johnny slows down for a second, bending over jaemin to kiss his face. </p><p>"shh." johnny hums. "im right here, focus on me baby. you're doing so well, so good for me. im so close..gonna make me come."</p><p>jaemin whimpers when johnny starts thrusting again, grinding down deeper than before. his lower back is on fire, and his whole body aches, but each thrust sends him closer over the edge, his second orgasm fastly approaching. </p><p>johnny screws him like it's the first time, huffing and panting into the air as he keep jaemin where he wants him, grip so hard he's gonna be bruised for days. the thought makes jaemin's head spin, light and floaty as he dazes in an out, overstimulation coursing through his whole body. </p><p>it's so much, honestly jaemin can't breathe right, his chest is tight and his whole body burns. he can feel johnny behind, and he hits the sweetest part in him with each thrust, uncoiling the heat inside him. </p><p>it makes jaemin let out a high pitched noise, moans muffled by the pillow as he cries, another orgasm racking through him, his muscles shaking and tensing. </p><p>he feels johnny groan, the air punched out of his lungs as he comes. it's too hot, jaemin feels like he's gonna pass out for real. </p><p>jaemin mewls into the pillow, his lower half completely numb. "pull out." he tells johnny, trying his hardest to blink away the tears that end up falling anyways.</p><p>"you okay?" he asks, pulling off of jaemin gently before laying back down next to him. "that was a lot."</p><p>"water." he whispers.</p><p>"one second." johnny tells him, sitting up and climbing over jaemin. "our clothes are still out there." he chuckles before walking out of the room.</p><p>jaemin turns around, looking up at the ceiling. he's so exhausted, he needs a fucking shower but he knows there's no way he can get up right now let alone walk. johnny comes back a few minutes later, carrying their clothes in one hand and a glass of water in the other. </p><p>"can you sit up." he asks, dropping the clothes on the floor and closing the door again. </p><p>"barely." jaemin slides up the bed, sitting up a bit to face johnny. "it hurts."</p><p>"sorry." johnny hands him the water, "i uh, got carried away."</p><p>jaemin chugs the whole glass, letting the water slide down his throat. it feels amazing, and his post-sex headache is already starting to fade away. "come here." he says after he's finished drinking.</p><p>"you're adorable, you know." johnny climbs back into bed, lifting the cover over him and jaemin and pulling jaemin's back against his chest. </p><p>"are you leaving tonight." jaemin whispers, resting his hand over the arm johnny has wrapped around his waist. </p><p>"ill leave in a bit." he tells him. "they probably haven't noticed im gone yet. you can sleep though." he presses a warm kiss to jaemin's shoulder. "I love you."</p><p>jaemin pulls the covers up to his chin, snuggling into johnnys hold. he feels like he could stay here forever, wrapped up in the smell of johnny. "i love you, hyung." he whispers. "goodnight."</p><p>"goodnight baby." </p><p>jaemins eyes fall close finally, exhaustion washing over him. johnny arms tightens around his waist, and he can hear the steady of his breathing. it's something jaemin will learn to never take for granted.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>he wakes abruptly to the sound of johnny in his room. there's a thumping in the back of his skull, and an empty feeling sits low in his stomach. he hates it. </p><p>when he opens his eyes he's met with johnny scrambling around his room, picking up his clothes from the night before. the older boy looks panicked. </p><p>"where are you going?" jaemin mumbles, blinking away the sleep and confusion in his eyes. johnnys eyes snap towards him, and jaemin can tell he's mad.</p><p>"it's seven am jaemin." he says. "seven fucking in the morning, im so fucked."</p><p>"what?" jaemin jerks awake, grabbing his phone off the nightstand. </p><p>"yea, everyone has been blowing up my phone. asking where i am..i was supposed to leave last night. i-i fell asleep. i should've never have even gotten back in bed." he huffs, running a hand through his hair. </p><p>"its not that big of a deal, hyung." jaemin sits up. "you don't have schedules today."</p><p>"but what the fuck am i gonna tell them. i was gone all night." he stares at jaemin, dark pupils locking with his. "fuck, i need to go."</p><p>"that's it?" jaemin asks. "you're just gonna leave?"</p><p>"what am i supposed to do jaemin?" johnny glares at him. </p><p>"maybe not talk to me like a fucking jerk for starters." jaemin mumbles.</p><p>"don't do that." </p><p>"do what."</p><p>"act like this is my fault." johnny stares at him.</p><p>"im not." jaemin says. "but i didn't ask to be hidden like im some fucking mistake, johnny."</p><p>"it's not even like that." johnny pulls his pants up, grabbing his phone of the floor. "and you know it."</p><p>"i obviously don't."</p><p>"well that's not my problem." johnny looks at him. "look, i gotta go. i know you would risk it all for a good fuck, but my career comes first, im not gonna apologize for that."</p><p>jaemin stares at him with wide eyes, completely taken off guard. "fuck you." he says, even though there's tears behind his eyes. he cannot cry right now, but the way Johnny's talking to him makes it so difficult. "fuck you for even saying that."</p><p>"im sorry." johnny mumbles picking his bag up and slipping his shoes back on. “i need to leave.”</p><p>jaemin doesn't even get to say anything else as johnny leaves his room, not sparing a glance back at him.</p><p>it's inevitable, the way jaemin starts to cry from the pit in his stomach. he couldnt think of a worse way to start his day. but then there's a soft knock on his door a few minutes later, and jeno quietly opens it. </p><p>jaemin stares at him with wide eyes, his hands shaking.</p><p>"um." jeno whispers, "why was johnny-hyung here all night?"</p><p>jaemin blinks, tears falling rapidly as he gets up. "please get out." he tries to say, his voice breaking as he wipes at his face to slow the stream of tears. </p><p>"jaemin, i dont need to know anything-"</p><p>"please." jaemin begs. "please just, get out."</p><p>jeno stares at him, confused and startled by the way jaemin is shaking so bad. he blinks again before turning around, closing the door behind him. </p><p>jaemin can feel it. he knew it would crash. because johnny is right, their jobs come first. but, jaemin doesn’t want to believe that. not when johnny has created a void in his heart, one he can only fill. </p><p>jaemin is left empty. he knew this would happen. </p><p>he didn't think it would come so soon.</p><p> </p><p>**</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yikes. thank u for reading !! this left on a really bad note im sorry :D pls look forward to more jaemin and johnny. they live in my head rent free. </p><p>title from rolling around by jaden smith.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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